The movement and change at the office is very fast paced. Sometimes I feel I am forced to keep it up beyond my ability. Although I thought I give it all, yet, what I did, doesn’t seem to be enough. And for that, I receive treatment that somewhat I feel, Unecessary.
In those times. I feel I wanna drop it all.
But perhaps, I just love the industry, the chance and environment they let me study and grow in, thus, I am staying.
Competition is inevitable, there will be new people with new talents and every one has their own role. Yet, sometimes, those role, overlaps, creating some kind of, hot air, choking, rushing… cornering.
What mess it up, is sometimes, how abrupt the spot light and attention taken away from one person to the other. So fast. Too fast.
In this case, the unexplainable, inexplicable comfy spot which has been taken away,
has a similar feeling of loosing a “teacher’s pet” position, but in a backdrop of office environment.
As a foreigner, working for a very Japanese company, that so called “teacher’s pet” position, has a very significant meaning to me.
How did they turn me, someone who usually loves solitary and avoid peoples eyes, to suddenly wanting the boss’ attention, is still an unsolved mystery.
The ideas they have planted swiftly on the back of my head, while I am unaware, unassuming, has made me lost a clear judgment and led me to a very emotional path.
At the end I just have to realize that, I just gotta to stomach it all.
Realizing there is nothing else I could do, but to go ahead with the very basic plan.
Which is, being the best of what I could be, in my version; not leaving room for regrets, regrets that come from my self, towards the result of my own work.
The rest could go…
What would you do when the spot light has been taken away from you?
I will just stay committed to the way I am, not loosing my self in the competition, finding my originality.
Remembering, that there is also life, outside of work. And letting others to take their turn.
Thank you for Makiyama sensei, whom I talked to today, who advised me to just write my uneasiness down… Feel slightly better.